Okay, Boss Page 6

  He laughed. “Probably not. Does it bother you a lot?”

  Sometimes when he said it, it felt like he was flirting with me. Sometimes it felt like he was just being a light-hearted dumbass. And other times, it felt like he was trying to turn me on.

  “No. As long as you’re not making fun of me, or trying to get me to think about sex.”

  “Ash, I can assure you that I’m not making fun of you when I say it.” Camden gave me sexy eyes and took another sip of his coffee.

  I rolled my eyes and headed out of my office. “Shut up and drink your coffee, Camden.”

  I walked into Elliot’s office to find Elliot and Aria all smiles. “What’s up, guys?”

  They both said, “Nothing!” at the same time, and the smiles slipped from their faces.

  I raised my eyebrows. “Liars.”

  Elliot shoved something in his desk drawer and stood. “You and Camden all set for the community center today? Should I send Tom to help, too?”

  My best friends were hiding something from me. It was probably marriage or baby-related. I felt a pang in my chest and remembered the early days of Bright Starts when the three of us were a tight-knit group with big goals and stars in our eyes. We knew everything about each other back then.

  Then my life fell to pieces.

  Aria and Elliot had my back through every dark moment. I knew they fiercely loved me, but they looked at me differently now. They hid things from me — things they didn’t think I could handle.

  But, I guess I hid things from them, too.

  ◆◆◆

  I leaned against the wall next to Camden at the outreach event. “You’re good at this.”

  He grinned. “Why, thank you.”

  “No, like, why are you so good at this?” I laughed. He’d just given an impromptu speech to a group of pissed off teenagers. He’d talked about how the world saw and treated kids like them, how they could take it, keep their heads down, live the life the world gave them, or stand up and say, “Fuck you,” and prove the world wrong. By the end, every kid in the room was listening, and I had goosebumps.

  Camden shrugged. “It’s my world. I grew up in the foster system, so I know what it’s like to have no possessions and even less hope.”

  My heart rammed against my ribcage, and I swallowed the lump in my throat. There was so much more to Camden than met the eye. I wanted to know everything. I wanted to know what he’d lived, why he ended up in the foster system, how he’d risen so far above.

  “What happened to your parents, Camden?” I asked.

  He raised his eyebrows and smirked at me. “Are you actually asking me a deeply personal question?”

  I laughed. “It would appear so.”

  “Okay, Ash.” He nodded and folded his arms. “I only know what people have told me, because my memories are so foggy. But the story goes, my dad took off when I was two, like a real winner. My mom was young, alone, and terrified, so she turned to drugs. By the time I was three, she was a full-blown addict. By the time I was four, she was dead. They say I found her, but I don’t remember.”

  “Oh my God.” I covered my mouth. “Camden, I’m so sorry.”

  He just gave me a sad half-smile. “Honestly, the only thing I remember about my mom was her love of chocolate donuts and her smile. It lit up her whole face, and it was just for me.”

  I felt tears burning the corners of my eyes and thought of the picture I’d seen in his apartment. “Wow.” I looked over at him and fought the urge to take his hand.

  He laughed. “Hold it, Ash, you’re not starting to feel sorry for me, are you?”

  I gave him a half-smile. Sorry wasn’t what I was starting to feel for him — more like amazed, inspired, awe-struck. Instead of getting real with him, I said, teasing, “No way. If I let myself start feeling sorry for you, then your charm will be irresistible. We can’t have that, Camden. We’re just friends now.”

  Camden nudged me with his elbow. “Yeah, Ash. Friends.”

  I could feel the heat of his body, only a few inches from mine. It was all I could do not to kiss his perfect lips. But this desire was more than just pure physical attraction. Right now, I wanted to make him feel good because he deserved to feel good.

  I gave him a sideways glance. It was no secret that I was trying to keep Camden at arm’s length emotionally. I was afraid that if I let him in, I’d fall head over heels in love with him. Maybe he’d fall in love with me, too. Then he’d want babies, and the cycle of pain, resentment, and self-loathing would start all over again.

  I couldn’t let myself fall in love with him. Losing Maddox hurt, but loving and then losing someone like Camden would be earth-shattering. I would never recover.

  I bit my lip. What if it was already too late?

  I shook the thought away and looked out at the group of teens. A few talked to the business owners, but most were just hanging out, eating free pizza. A girl with long black hair and dark, almond-shaped eyes stared at me with an unimpressed expression. When I met her gaze, she didn’t look away, just stared harder.

  “I’m going to go talk to that girl,” I said to Camden. “She looks tough.”

  “She does.” He grinned. “She looks like she’s going to fight you. Can you handle that, Ash?”

  I shrugged and smiled.

  When I approached the teen, she scoffed. I said, “Hey, I’m Ash.” I held out my hand to shake hers, but she rolled her eyes and turned away from me.

  “What do you want, blondie bitch? You wanna hear my tragic story? You wanna throw down some ‘inspirational’ shit and get me to turn my life around so you can go pat yourself on the back?”

  I just smiled at her. “No, tough bitch. I don’t have any inspirational shit to throw down.”

  A hint of a smile passed her lips. “My mom’s the only adult that’s ever called me ‘bitch’ before.”

  I shook my head. “I didn’t call you ‘bitch.’ I called you ‘tough bitch.’ That’s a compliment. Is ‘blondie bitch’ a compliment, too? That’s how I took it.”

  The girl laughed this time. “Sure, blondie bitch. What do you want?”

  “What’s your name?”

  She rolled her eyes. “Serena.” She put her hands in the back pockets of her torn-up jeans.

  “Well, Serena, welcome.” Some kids embraced what we were trying to do; others pushed back, hard. The kids that pushed back were the ones that needed us the most. “I like your fire, girl. I hope I see you at more events.”

  Serena laughed. “If you want me to come to more shit, you gotta serve better food.”

  I laughed, too. “Deal. What kind of food do you want next time?”

  She raised her eyebrows. “You takin’ orders? Fine, I’ll put in for some decent Mexican food.”

  “Do you have a favorite restaurant? Or are you talking homemade?”

  Serena rolled her eyes. “Homemade, blondie bitch.”

  I laughed and sat on the edge of the table. “Do I look like I know how to cook authentic Mexican food?” I raised my eyebrows at her.

  Serena laughed. “Naw, you look like you like pumpkin spiced lattes and avocado toast.”

  I burst out laughing and raised my hand. “Guilty!” I bit my lip. “Do you cook, Serena?”

  “Every damn night for my little sisters.”

  “Would you be willing to teach me some good recipes for the next event?”

  Serena considered me. “I could do that if you’re buyin’ the food.”

  I nodded. “Here’s my proposal: You give me a list of ingredients, I buy all the food, and you teach me how to cook it for the next event. Do you accept?” I held out my hand to shake hers.

  Serena chewed her thumbnail. “I accept.” She shook my hand. “But I don’t know if you’re gonna be able to handle the heat.”

  I grinned. “I’m tougher than I look.”

  I glanced up and caught Camden’s eye. He watched me with a huge smile. I felt like I was melting under his gaze.

  11
<
br />   Ash

  I read the email and shouted, “Yes!” I jumped up from my desk and laughed when Camden stared at me like I was crazy.

  “What’s up, Ash?” he asked.

  “Serena just emailed me a shopping list for the enchiladas and tamales. I honestly didn’t know if she was going to do it. I’m so freaking excited, Camden!” I clicked to print the list she’d sent, unable to stop smiling.

  I jogged over to the printer next to Lena’s desk to grab the list. “Camden!” I called over my shoulder. “Let’s go!”

  He wandered out of my office with a confused look on his gorgeous face. “Where?”

  I laughed. “The grocery store.”

  Camden raised both eyebrows. “Now? The event isn’t until tomorrow…”

  “Well, we’re cooking with Serena and setting everything up tomorrow. We have to do it now.” I headed out the door and down the hallway. Camden followed close behind.

  “You are adorable when you’re excited, Ash.” He grinned at me.

  “Don’t flirt with me.” I smiled over my shoulder.

  He sighed as we walked through the parking lot. “This ‘friends’ thing is killing me, Ash. Your tight little ass looks incredible in those pants.”

  My heart raced. “Then walk in front of me and stop staring!” I grabbed his arm and pushed him slightly ahead of me. Fuck, his biceps felt so damn hard and good. I tried to ignore the flashbacks of Camden on top of me, rocking deeper and deeper into me and his drool-worthy, muscled arms flexed and supporting his weight.

  Now he was walking in front of me, and now I couldn’t stop staring. “Never mind,” I said. “Now, I’m staring at your ass.”

  Camden laughed out loud and fell into step beside me. “How much longer are we going to torture ourselves?”

  I laughed. “I guess forever because I can’t do—”

  “Complicated. I know.” Camden finished my sentence.

  Did I detect a flash of hurt in his eyes? I was already disappointing him, wasn’t I? No matter what I did, I disappointed the men I got involved with. I should just spend my life alone.

  When we arrived at the grocery store, Camden grabbed a cart and asked, “What do we need, boss?”

  I read him the list as we walked. We gathered all the ingredients with minimal flirting and headed back to the front of the store to check out. Suddenly Camden turned down the sexual health aisle.

  “What the hell are you doing?” I laughed.

  He strolled down the aisle, pausing to look at all the different lubricants. “Look, Ash, strawberry flavored.” He gave me an exaggerated wink and tossed it in the cart.

  I laughed, fished it out of the cart, and set it back on the shelf.

  “Ah, you’re more of a watermelon girl, huh?” Camden grabbed the watermelon lubricant and waved it in my face as a little old lady walked by.

  I rolled my eyes at him and continued down the aisle, pushing the cart.

  “Ash! What about this little vibrating cock ring?” Camden laughed and hurried after me.

  When we reached the end of the aisle, my stomach lurched. A sea of pregnancy tests greeted me, accompanied by awful memories of standing here with Maddox.

  “Well, Ashlyn, which brand did you buy? Was it the cheap one? You have to buy the more expensive ones. They work better. Isn’t our future worth a few extra bucks?”

  “Ashlyn, let’s try these ovulation tests. We just have to keep trying.”

  “Did you take a test this month? It doesn’t make any sense. We had sex every single day surrounding your ovulation.”

  “Maybe something’s wrong.”

  Then I pictured negative test after negative test piled up on the granite bathroom countertop, and Maddox’s disappointed face.

  “Ash?” Camden rested his hand on the small of my back. “I’m sorry. Don’t be mad at me. I swear I’ll stop flirting.”

  I glanced over at him. His beautiful blue eyes filled with concern. “I’m not mad at you.”

  Camden raised his eyebrows. “You sure? You look fucking pissed.”

  I sighed. “I just have bad memories. It has nothing to do with you.”

  “Maddox?” He asked softly.

  “Yup.”

  “Asshole.”

  ◆◆◆

  “Hey, Serena!” I smiled. “It’s so good to see you again!”

  Serena rolled her eyes but smiled a little, too. “Whatever.”

  “Okay, I got everything on your list — except for the tequila.” I grinned at her.

  She laughed out loud. “C’mon, blondie! It was worth a shot.”

  I laughed and shook my head. “Okay, Camden’s going to help us cook, and I got a few other kids to help, too. They should be here any minute. But you’re the boss, girl.”

  “Yeah, I’m the boss. I already know that.” Serena grinned.

  “Good.” I nudged her with my elbow. “What do you want me to do first?”

  “Start chopping up that chicken and put in the chicken stock. It tastes better the longer it soaks.”

  “Done. Feel free to boss Camden around, too.” I looked across the table at him and smiled. I almost said, “He likes bossy women.”

  When we finished cooking, I filled a plate and put the fork to my lips to taste our hard work. “Mmm!” I moaned.

  Camden gave me sexy eyes across the table and licked his lips when I moaned. My heart raced. I quickly looked away and made eye contact with Serena. “Damn, girl! These are the best enchiladas I’ve ever had in my life. Where did you learn to cook like this?”

  Serena grinned. “My grandma.”

  “Well, she is one talented lady. Please pass my compliments along to her.”

  “Can’t.” Serena looked away with a set jaw. “She passed three years ago.”

  “Oh.” I looked down. I never knew quite what to say when the kids talked about their losses. Some of them desperately wanted someone to talk to, and others didn’t want an ounce of pity. Serena seemed like the latter.

  Camden spoke up. “Well, cooking her food is a perfect tribute to her. We’re honored that you shared this with us.” He reached over and stole a bite from my plate. “Holy shit. Yep, that’s amazing.” He pointed at Serena. “You should open a restaurant. No. Food truck. This is like cult food truck good.”

  Serena grinned. “That’d be the shit. You think people would buy my food?”

  “Hell. Yes.” Camden high-fived Serena sand said, “Just watch everyone’s faces today when they try this food.”

  And Camden was right. As the event wore on, Serena got compliments left and right, and I saw a new fire light in her eyes. Instead of the arrogant, tough facade, I witnessed real confidence blossoming.

  After the event ended, I wandered back into the community center’s kitchen and started to clean up. I heard someone walk into the kitchen and assumed it was Camden. I continued to wipe down the countertops without looking up. When I finally did, I saw Serena washing dishes at the sink.

  “Hey, thanks.” I smiled at her.

  She rolled her eyes and said, “Yeah, yeah.”

  “Okay, tell me honestly, did you have any fun today?” I put my hands on my hips and narrowed my eyes, teasing her.

  “No.” She grinned.

  “Liar.”

  Serena laughed. “Fine, it was okay, bossing you and your hot boyfriend around.”

  I laughed out loud. “Camden isn’t my boyfriend. He’s working as my intern for college credit.”

  “Blondie, I’m a teenager, and I ain’t even vibing with a guy that hard.” Serena leaned against the counter and raised a single eyebrow at me.

  I cleared my throat and quickly changed the subject. “So how many little sisters do you have?”

  Serena sighed. “Just two. I do everything for them, but at least it’s not like Dahlia. She’s taking care of five kids while her mom works three jobs.”

  “Wow.” I picked up my rag again. “Does your mom work a lot, too?’

  She rolled her e
yes and plunged a pan into the soapy water. “She doesn’t hold down jobs real well, so we’re lucky if she has one.”

  A lump formed in my throat. “Does she have one now?”

  Serena just nodded.

  “What happens when she doesn’t?”

  “We move.”

  We worked in silence for a moment before Serena asked. “Do you have any kids, Ash?”

  It didn’t escape my notice that she finally called me by my name. “No.”

  Serena grinned. “You better get busy with your hot intern. You’d be a good mom.”

  My heart ached. “Thank you, Serena. That’s nice of you to say. You’re a good kid.” I nudged her with my elbow. I usually kept quiet about my infertility. It was nobody’s business, but I felt it would be okay to share it with Serena. “I um, I actually can’t have kids. My body doesn’t work.” I shrugged.

  Serena nodded. “That fuckin’ sucks.”

  I laughed. “It does. It really does.”

  “Well, you’re all right anyway.” Serena said, “That’s what my grandma always said when hard shit happened.”

  “I like it.” I smiled at her. I was all right anyway, wasn’t I? At least I would be. I was getting closer to accepting my failed marriage and my broken body and loving myself anyway.

  Camden walked into the kitchen next, and I felt my heart stir. It did that every time I saw him lately. He got to work packing up all of the leftovers, and then he turned to Serena. “The master chef doesn’t do dishes. And she gets to take all the leftovers home.”

  Serena laughed. “Yeah, all right.” She dried her hands and took the bag of leftovers from Camden.

  “Serena,” I said, “You’re awesome. You coming to our next thing?”

  She rolled her eyes. “Maybe, Ash.”

  “Sweet. See you next time.” I grinned and waved as she walked out.

  Now, Camden and I were alone, and I could feel the heat of his body next to mine. I glanced over at him. “You were great at talking to Serena about her loss.”

  He shrugged. “When you lose a lot of people, you start to know which words are genuine and helpful, and which ones are just empty bullshit.”