Sure, Pal ('69 #1) Page 4

  7

  Sienna

  Friday night, I sat on the floor in my bedroom, staring at my phone. Ava was out having a family dinner with her parents, and I was almost relieved.

  I couldn’t stop thinking about the look on Evan’s face when he found me singing at the park. I couldn’t stop thinking about the way he said, “after Ava.”

  I needed to tell her, didn’t I? But was it really my place? And what if I’d misread the whole situation and he wasn’t thinking about breaking up with her after all? Then I’d be causing drama where there wasn’t any.

  But the question that mattered was this: Was I a monster for hoping that Evan would break up with her? I rolled my eyes and rested my head on my knees. It didn’t matter if he broke up with her anyway. He would never be mine.

  Suddenly, I heard a door slam downstairs, followed by the angry voices of my parents. I could hear little pieces of their argument floating up the stairs. “Ungrateful… head in the fucking clouds!” “It’s suffocating to…” “I can’t even STAND you!”

  The fighting was non-stop. It made my head pound, and I couldn’t take it anymore. I was about to let the tears fall when I got a text. Pal, come outside. I need to show you something!!! Another text followed. Oh, and bring your guitar!

  I didn’t even think. I grabbed my guitar and rushed out my front door, right past my parents and their anger. It wasn’t hard to escape their notice. I’d been doing it for years.

  When I saw Evan’s Camaro in the driveway, I couldn’t keep the smile from my lips. He’d painted it black, just like I’d suggested. It looked sleek and sexy.

  I jogged over to him and pulled the passenger door open. “Damn! It looks incredible!”

  Evan sat with his hands on the wheel, grinning at me. “Get in! Let’s go for a ride!”

  I set my guitar in the back and slid into the passenger seat, smiling. “Did you give it a name?” I asked.

  Evan laughed. “Not yet.” He seemed nervous as he looked over at me.

  “Is Ava already done with her family dinner? Are we going to pick her up next?” I asked.

  Evan shook his head and pulled out of my driveway. No Ava? Why? Did they break up? No, she would have called me crying. My heart pounded in my chest.

  Evan glanced over at me as he drove. “What do you think of the new seat upholstery? I did it myself.”

  I smiled at him and ran my hand over the clean, black leather. “It looks fantastic. I love the red stitching.”

  “It’s badass, right?” Evan grinned.

  God, I loved his smile. “So badass!” I agreed.

  “You wanna drive it?” He asked.

  My mouth dropped open. “Are you serious? You’d honestly let me drive it? This car is like your baby, Evan! What if I crash it?”

  Evan grinned at me and pulled over. “I trust you, pal.” He climbed out of the car to switch places with me.

  I climbed out too, and when we passed each other at the front of the car, my arm brushed against his chest, and my heart raced. I slid into the driver’s seat and rested my hands on the wheel. I gave Evan a sideways glance. “Are you sure?”

  Evan smiled and nodded.

  “Where to?” I asked.

  “You pick.”

  I ran my hands along the steering wheel, and a strange, almost shy feeling spread through me. This car meant so much to Evan. It was like a part of him, and here I was, running my hands all over it, feeling the power of the engine, and admiring its beauty, while he watched me with a smile.

  I shifted the car into drive and headed to the big park across the street from our high school.

  Evan laughed when I pulled into the parking lot. “Interesting choice, Sienna. Why’d you pick this park?” I accidentally gazed into his eyes, and the deep blue pulled me under like the tide.

  I shrugged, feeling a blush creeping into my cheeks. “This is like my happy place. I come here to play guitar all the time when I don’t want to be at home or at Ava’s.”

  Evan smiled. “I’m not making fun of you. It’s my happy place, too.” He pointed toward the soccer field.

  Oh. Well, I mean, that was another reason I loved this park. I liked watching the guy I loved play soccer without my best friend hanging all over him.

  We got out of the car, and Evan reached into the backseat to pull out my guitar. When he handed it to me, I asked, “Why did you ask me to bring that?” Another question hung on my lips, one that I was too afraid to ask. Why isn’t Ava here?

  Evan grinned at me. “I wanted to hear you play.”

  I was blushing hard now. I knew it. I was grateful that the sky was dark enough to hide my red cheeks. We headed toward the picnic tables straight ahead, crunching leaves under our feet as we walked. Our hands brushed against each other, and my breath caught in my chest.

  I climbed up and sat on a picnic table, holding my guitar across my body. Evan climbed right up next to me. Our legs were touching, and I couldn’t breathe.

  Shit. What would Ava think of this? Nothing. Evan and I weren’t doing anything wrong. I cleared my throat. “I only know like three songs.”

  “Then play those.” Evan’s eyes held an intensity that I’d never seen before.

  “Okay.” My voice sounded weak and breathy. I cleared my throat again and started playing Yesterday by the Beatles. My fingers fumbled over the first few chords, and my voice shook, but after a minute, I found my stride and let myself fall into the music.

  I could feel Evan’s eyes on me, but the longer I played, the less I was rattled by his gaze. It stopped making me nervous and started making me feel warm and encouraged. By the end of the song, my voice was strong and clear.

  When I finished, Evan almost whispered, “Sienna, you’re amazing.” He gazed at me like I was more than his pal, and then his eyes settled on my lips.

  My heart was racing out of control, and I struggled to draw breath. I set my guitar down on the table behind me and gazed back at him. I knew the way we were looking at each other wasn’t okay. I knew something was happening between us.

  Then Evan whispered, “I’m breaking up with Ava tonight…”

  A mix of hope and despair soared through my chest. I desperately wanted to press my lips against his, but I pulled away and slid off the picnic table. I wanted Evan more than anything, but he was about to break my best friend’s heart.

  “You’re going to kill her.” I shook my head and paced. “She thinks everything is perfect between you guys. She loves you! This will seriously kill her, Evan!” I ran my hands through my hair and felt tears burning the corners of my eyes.

  Evan watched me with his sad, beautiful blue eyes. “Isn’t it worse to keep faking it?”

  I stopped walking. “Keep faking it?”

  Evan shrugged and kept his eyes trained on mine. “I liked Ava at first. I thought she was hot and fun, but I never really loved her.”

  My mouth dropped open. “What?”

  Evan gazed at me like he was trying to tell me something without speaking. My heart pounded against my ribcage.

  “There was always someone else, Sienna.” He sighed and ran his hands through his hair. “But I was a dumb kid and too scared to go for the girl I really wanted.”

  I swallowed and looked down at my trembling hands. “Who?” I asked.

  Evan let out a dry laugh. “Why do you think you’re the first person I wanted to see when I got the Camaro running?”

  Evan wanted me. A hundred different emotions washed over me. Hope. Despair. Elation. Guilt. Heartbreak.

  “Evan…” I whispered. A single tear slipped down my cheek. “What am I supposed to say? How can we…” I shook my head, and more tears fell. Another emotion bubbled up. Anger. “What the hell am I supposed to do with that right now? What are you trying to do to me, Evan?”

  Evan slid off the picnic table and groaned. “I don’t know, Sienna. I’m sorry, okay? I fucked it all up, and I asked out the wrong girl two years ago. I know that. But I’m tired of being an idi
ot and, and I just want you!”

  I let out a tiny sob. “Fuck, Evan!”

  He reached for me, and I backed away. Sadness filled his eyes. “Do you feel anything for me?”

  I buried my face in my hands and shook my head. “I can’t, Evan.”

  “You can’t, but do you?” His hand brushed against my arm, and I backed away again. I wanted to fall into his arms, but I couldn’t. “Okay, if you feel nothing for me, say it. If you feel something, then don’t say anything.”

  I stared at my feet, letting the silence wash over us — a silence that said everything. Finally, I looked up and whispered. “Take me home, please. You have another heart to break tonight.”

  Fuck. I should have told Ava. What kind of shit friend was I?

  ◆◆◆

  An hour after Evan dropped me off, Ava burst through my front door, sobbing her little heart out. I stood frozen on the stairs. He did it. Evan broke up with her. He dropped me off and got right to ripping out Ava’s heart.

  I felt sick to my stomach.

  “Aves…” I almost whispered.

  Ava leaned against my closed front door, sucking in air between sobs. “He broke up… with me.”

  I hurried down the stairs and let Ava fall into my arms. What could I possibly say to her right now? My heart was a big pot bubbling over with messy and confusing emotions. Hope mixed with sadness. Excitement swirled into guilt.

  I loved Ava. I loved Evan. I hated myself.

  “He doesn’t love me! He doesn’t…” Ava sobbed into my shoulder.

  “Let’s go upstairs, Aves.” My mom was busy in her studio with her music blasting. We wouldn’t disturb her, but my dad was working on his laptop in the kitchen, and I could already hear the screech of the chair sliding away from the table. He was coming to tell us to keep it down, and it wouldn’t be politely. My house still simmered with his anger.

  I took Ava’s hand and led her up to my bedroom, closing the door behind us. She collapsed on my bed and cried, “I don’t understand! I was the perfect girlfriend. I was fucking perfect, Si!”

  I was practically choking on my guilt, but I shoved it down. I didn’t do anything wrong. I could have, but I didn’t. I stayed loyal to Ava even though it broke my heart.

  I didn’t do anything wrong, and I never would.

  8

  Evan

  The rest of senior year fucking sucked. I spent six months watching Sienna from across rooms, fields, parties. It didn’t matter where we were. Ava was glued to her side, and Sienna was completely off-limits.

  Sometimes when I watched Sienna, she’d catch my eye and give me this sad, heartbroken look before she’d turn away and paste on her fake smile.

  And when I wasn’t watching Sienna, adoring her, wanting her, I was dodging Ava and her rage. Right after I dumped her, she’d call me every day just to talk. At that point, she wanted to get back together. But as time went on, and I refused to bend to her will, she got angry, and her true colors revealed themselves. Ava was a selfish, manipulative brat with only a handful of redeeming qualities.

  Three weeks after I broke up with her, Ava started a rumor that I’d cheated on her and that she was the one that ended it. I only found out about it when Rob gave me a funny look in the history class we shared.

  “What, dude?” I asked.

  Rob shrugged. “You’re crazy, man.”

  I narrowed my eyes at my best friend. “Why?”

  “Cheating on Ava… I can’t believe I didn’t know. When did you even have time to do it?”

  “What?”

  Then the story came out. Ava convinced some girl to start telling people that she sucked my dick at a party at the beginning of the year. Ava artfully crafted the lie to make it seem true, even to Rob, who knew me better than anyone.

  She’d say anything to paint herself in a good light, wouldn’t she?

  Why hadn’t I seen her for what she was a long time ago? Why couldn’t Sienna see it? How could Sienna sit there and listen to Ava tell lies about me to everyone we knew?

  Maybe Sienna didn’t really feel anything for me. Maybe I’d dodged a bullet after all.

  I tried to move on and stop thinking about Sienna and Ava and the whole shitty mess. I focused on school and the spring soccer season. I worked my ass off and got a scholarship to play for UMT, literally on the opposite side of the country.

  Now I had another reason to get over Sienna. Even if the fucking stars aligned, and she decided to choose me over Ava, I would be two thousand miles away. It wasn’t going to happen.

  I was okay with it, and then one day, five weeks before graduation, I drove past Sienna’s house and saw a For Sale sign in the yard. The sinking feeling in my chest made it clear that I wasn’t actually fine with things. I was lying to myself.

  I loathed the way I didn’t know anything about Sienna’s life anymore. I wanted to punch something when I thought about walking away and never seeing her again.

  I sent her a text, hoping to god that she’d answer. Why is your house for sale? Can we talk?

  Much to my surprise, she replied immediately. I’m at the park.

  I drove to the park and found Sienna under her favorite tree. She was wearing a light gray t-shirt and cute little black shorts. Her long brown hair was pulled into a high ponytail, and she was furiously scribbling in a notebook with wrinkled pages. Sienna paused and chewed on the end of her pen for a minute before frowning and going back to writing.

  “Hey, pal.” I offered her a hesitant smile. “Can I sit?” I pointed to the grass at her side.

  Sienna looked up at me with pain in her eyes. “Oh, um, sure.”

  I sank down next to her and let out a deep breath. It had been ages since I’d been this close to her. She still made my heart race. I asked, “What’s going on?”

  She shrugged, and I couldn’t help but notice the tears that glistened in the corners of her eyes. “My parents are getting divorced.”

  “I’m sorry.”

  “Don’t be. It’s for the best. I honestly don’t even know why I’m crying. The writing has been on the wall for years, and it’s almost more of a relief than anything.”

  “I’m still sorry.” I wanted to take her hand in mine. “Are you leaving before graduation?”

  Sienna shook her head. “My mom’s heading to New Mexico to rent a room from one of her artist friends from college. My dad is going to buy a cheaper place about an hour south of here. I am actually going to stay with…” She glanced over at me and then back at her hands. “Ava,” she almost whispered her name.

  I nodded. “I’m glad you’re staying.”

  “Me too.”

  We sat in silence for a minute before I said, “I miss you.” The words tumbled out of my mouth before I could stop them.

  “Don’t.” Sienna shook her head.

  I sighed. “I’m sorry. This sucks. Your family is falling apart, and I want to hold you, but I don’t know if I should.”

  “You shouldn’t.”

  Ouch.

  We sat in silence for a few more minutes. This was the most I’d spoken to Sienna in months. It might be the last time I had her to myself. I knew the second I saw the For Sale sign in her yard that I couldn’t walk away without trying one more time.

  I sighed and said, “Do you want to know why I dated Ava for so long?”

  Sienna let out a shaky breath. “Look, I probably shouldn’t even be talking to you right now. I’m sorry about Ava. I’m sorry about… everything.”

  “It was because part of me knew I was fucked either way, Sienna. I blew my chance with you the second I asked her out, and part of me knew that if I broke up with Ava, I’d lose you, too.”

  Sienna met my gaze, and regret sat heavily between us.

  “I should never have asked her out,” I said. “I didn’t even really want to, but I did because I thought you liked Rob, and then, you know Ava. She’s a bulldozer. She marked me as hers and then plowed right over me. I was the dumbass that let her.”


  Sienna rolled her eyes. “Yep. We’re both her bitches for the rest of time.” Her eyes grew wide, and she covered her mouth with one hand. “No, no, no, I didn’t mean that. Ava is incredible. She’s always been there for me through everything with my parents. She’s like a sister to me.”

  I squared my jaw and shook my head. Maybe I was wrong about Sienna. Maybe she did see the truth about Ava. “We don’t have to be her bitches, Sienna.”

  Her beautiful gold-green eyes flashed up to meet mine, and I fought not to get lost in them. “I love Ava, Evan,” she said. “Even though she’s selfish and clueless. She’s also funny and sweet, and she has my back like no one ever has.” Sienna said it one more time as if to really drive home the point. “I love Ava.”

  I sighed and stared down at my hands. “I know. I wish you didn’t. I wish you were a little more selfish.”

  Sienna frowned down at her notebook. “Yeah. I’ll work on that.”

  I gave her a half-smile and nudged her with my elbow. “Just a little bit. I love you the way you are. Wanting you to be selfish is just me being selfish.”

  “You love me.” It wasn’t a question. It was a fact, and Sienna knew it.

  I nodded and gazed out at the soccer field. “You love me?” I asked.

  Sienna gave a stiff nod and then slammed her notebook shut. “But, like you said, we’re fucked either way.”

  A strange ache began to spread through my chest. This was good-bye. I was heading off to UMT on a soccer scholarship in the fall, and Sienna was moving in with the enemy.

  She would never be mine.

  “Yep,” I sighed and stood to leave. “I uh… I’m really sorry about your parents, Sienna. I know shit is weird between us, but call me any time if you want to talk.”

  “Thank you.” Sienna stood, too. “So, I guess I’ll see you around?” Her voice cracked.

  “Sure, pal.” I gave her a sad smile and turned to walk back to my Camaro. “Sienna?” I called over my shoulder.

  “Yeah?” Tears glistened in her eyes.

  “Keep playing. You’re really good. Maybe I’ll see you at one of your shows someday when you’re famous.”