Fine Dork Read online

  When I came back out in my pajamas, Jaxon was already in bed. I slid under the covers next to him and flipped off the lamp. I could feel his warmth beside me, and something that felt a lot like electricity crackled between us. “Night, J.”

  “Night, K.”

  Sleep was going to be a challenge with Jaxon next to me all night. I’d started suffering from a new burning attraction the second I spotted him in the airport. I should not have invited him to sleep in my bed.

  3

  Kinley

  “Oh my god, K. Stop kicking your legs!” Jaxon’s voice sounded muffled. I knew he was sleeping on his stomach without having to look at him. J always slept facedown, usually on top of a book.

  I laughed. “Sorry. I’m uncomfortable.” I turned off the lamp hours ago, but as predicted, I couldn’t fucking sleep. I was all charged up with sexual tension.

  “Because of me? I can go back to the couch.” Jaxon started to slide out of bed.

  “No!” I grabbed his arm, and my fingers tingled when I touched his skin. Weird. Super weird. Jaxon was making me feel tingly everywhere. “It’s just like, hot in here or something.”

  “I saw a little fan in the hall closet. I’ll go grab it for you.”

  “No, no. I’m fine, J.” I didn’t want him to leave. “I’ll stop flopping around, I promise.”

  Jaxon laughed. “No, you won’t. You’re a wild sleeper.”

  I laughed, too. “I haven’t sleepwalked since fourth grade, thank you very much.”

  Jaxon rolled over onto his stomach again. “Way to be, K.”

  Quiet resumed, but it was one of those excruciating silences that made me squirm. I wanted to know if Jaxon ever thought of me as more than a friend. I wanted to ask him, but I didn’t want to screw everything up.

  “J?”

  “Yeah, K?”

  I swallowed and placed my hand over my racing heart like I thought that would help slow it down. “Um, was it super weird for you when I kissed you in high school?”

  Jaxon was quiet for so long that I thought maybe he’d fallen back asleep. Finally, he let out a long, slow breath. “Um, it was unexpected, but I mean, you were trashed and probably didn’t know what you were doing.”

  “Right. Yeah. But was it bad?”

  Jaxon laughed. “Are you asking if you’re a bad drunk kisser? If you really want to know that there are plenty of other people that you could ask.”

  That stung. I wasn’t ashamed of my sexuality. People that thought I was a slut could go to hell, but I didn’t want J to think I was a slut.

  Almost like he could sense my hurt, Jaxon reached out and took my hand in his. “You’re a good drunk kisser, K.” I could hear the smile in his voice. Then he patted my hand and released it.

  I rolled over to look at him, propping myself up on my elbow. “Did it make stuff weird with us? Did it hurt you? Confuse you? Gross you out?”

  Jaxon turned his head to look at me. His eyes were gorgeous, even in the dark. “Why do you have all these questions now, almost seven years later?”

  “I don’t know. We never talked about it.”

  “That’s because I didn’t know you were even aware that it happened.”

  I bit my lip. “Do you think I’m a hot mess, J?”

  Jaxon laughed now and rolled over to stare up at the ceiling. “No, Kinley. I think you and I are very different, and your life choices don’t always make sense to me, but you’re not a mess. I’ve never thought that.”

  I let out a little sigh of relief. “Thanks, J.” But he didn’t answer my questions about the kiss. Did he do that on purpose? Was that his way of putting these questions to bed without hurting me? I wanted to push, but I rolled over and closed my eyes instead, thinking about that one time in high school when I kissed my best friend.

  ◆◆◆

  Seventeen Years Old

  “Get off me!” I groaned and pushed Sean away, but my arms felt like wet spaghetti. How fucking much did I drink? Shit. I had a problem.

  I stumbled down the stairs and out the front door as Sean yelled after me, “Kinley! Where are you going? What about my blow job?”

  I shuddered at the thought of Sean’s dick in my mouth. Anything in my mouth would make me puke, honestly. I was way past face-numb-drunk. Now, my fucking stomach was numb. I wanted to go home.

  I sank onto the curb and rested my head on my knees.

  “K?”

  My head shot up. Ugh. Bad move. “J?” I smiled up at my favorite person. “What are you doing here? You hate parties.”

  Jaxon narrowed his pretty blue eyes at me. “You texted me and asked for a ride home.” He gave me a soft smile. “Well, actually, what you said was, ‘Sean’s dick is grs. I don’t want it. You safe me J. I want so hime.’”

  I laughed and rested my head on my knees again. “I’m hilarious.”

  “Come on, K. Let’s get you home.” He reached down to lift me to a standing position. “Actually, your mom will kill you. You can sleep it off for a couple of hours at my place. My parents are visiting Tyson at college this weekend. He’s getting another genius award.”

  I snorted and stumbled into Jaxon. “Ohmygod. Is it a Nobel Prize?” His brother was an asshat.

  Jaxon grinned at me and wrapped his arm around my waist to steady me. “Not yet. Maybe next month.”

  I dozed in Jaxon’s car, and when we reached his house, he helped me up to his bedroom. He tucked me into his bed and turned to leave.

  “Wait. J, stay with me.” I loved his smell and his warmth and the sweet, nonjudgmental way he was looking at me.

  “Uh, like, in the bed with you?”

  I nodded. At least, I tried to nod. My head wasn’t cooperating.

  “Okay.” Jaxon sat on the edge of his bed.

  I laughed out loud. “No, hold me.”

  Jaxon let out a long, slow breath. He didn’t want to hold me because I was a pathetic mess. But he climbed under the covers with me and wrapped his arms around me. I burrowed my head into his chest and breathed in his scent. Every smell made me want to puke, except for his. Jaxon smelled like the Tide laundry detergent his mom had been buying for the last ten years. He smelled a little bit like coffee and books with a touch of the Old Spice body wash he used. Jaxon smelled like home.

  I listened to his heart beating and loved the soothing rhythm. I lifted my head so I could see his face. Jaxon was hot, wasn’t he? He wasn’t like, in-your-face bodybuilder sexy man, but he was hot in a subtle way. He had a strong jawline, a symmetrical nose, and gorgeous eyes.

  He grinned at me. “What’s up, K? Why are you staring at me?”

  Holy shit, that smile. “I love you, J.”

  “Love you, too, K.”

  I shook my head. “No, like, I really love you.”

  “I really love you, too. You’re my best friend. Now go to sleep.”

  I leaned forward and pressed a sloppy kiss to his lips, like a drunk dumbass.

  I wasn’t prepared for the way he kissed me back. His lips were soft, and his mouth played with mine like he knew all my secrets and adored me anyway. I felt it in my soul, and I was equally unprepared when he quickly pulled away. “Get some sleep, K.” His voice was thick with emotion.

  I wanted to kiss him again. I wanted to ask him if he could ever love me as more than a friend if I cleaned up my act and tried to deserve him. But the alcohol was making my eyelids feel like lead. It was pulling me under, but I was still aware of Jaxon’s weight and warmth leaving the bed. I heard his bedroom door close softly behind him, and my heart ached. I wanted to beg him to stay, but I passed out instead.

  4

  Jaxon

  After dinner on my second day in Hawaii, the two happy couples locked themselves in their bedrooms, and Kinley and I went for a walk on the beach.

  “What happened with Savannah?” Kinley glanced sideways at me while we walked.

  I sighed and rubbed the back of my neck. I didn’t want to tell Kinley the truth about why Savannah ended ou
r relationship. It played into every fear that weighed me down, and I hated Kinley seeing me weak or afraid.

  “J?” Kinley laced her fingers through mine. “Tell me.”

  I stopped walking and sat in the sand, gazing out at the ocean. The sun had just finished setting, and the sky and water were still splashed with shades of dark pink and purple. I patted the sand next to me, and Kinley spread out beside me, propping herself up on her elbows.

  “So…” I let out a long slow breath. Kinley watched me with concern filling her pretty brown eyes. “Savannah gave me two very logical reasons for ending our relationship. Number one,” I held up one finger, “My life goals and aspirations weren’t high enough for her.”

  Kinley snorted. “Bitch. What the hell did she want from you?”

  I grinned and shook my head. “A Nobel Prize, maybe?”

  Kinley threw her head back and laughed. “Did you ever introduce her to Tyson then? They’d be perfect together.”

  I laughed and mindlessly drew the infinity symbol in the sand. “Nah. Tyson already has a girlfriend.” My asshole brother did approve of my ex-girlfriend. That should have been the first clue that Savannah was all wrong for me.

  “Right, the psychologist.” Kinley drew a heart around my infinity symbol and smiled at me. “What was Savannah’s second reason?”

  This was the one I didn’t want to tell Kinley. I stalled and drew some wavy lines in the sand to represent water. After a moment of quiet, I answered, “Uh, she said our relationship was too routine. Boring.”

  “Well, that’s her fault then, because you are not boring.” Kinley looked all fired up and adamant. It was adorable.

  “You’re telling me that I’m not boring? I feel like I’ve bored the shit out of you since we were teenagers.” I was her boring dork, and I hated it.

  Kinley shook her head. “No. Uh-uh.” She pointed a finger at my face. “I was out of control, and you centered me. You are calming. That’s not the same as boring.” She drew a palm tree in the sand next. “I’ve never once thought you were boring, J. I have the best talks about life with you, and you’re like my safe place where I don’t have to be on and happy. I’m myself with you, and that is fucking priceless.”

  K didn’t think I was boring. How was that possible?

  She added a sunset to our picture in the sand and glanced over at me with a frown. “That’s why this last year sucked for me. You weren’t in my life.”

  The last year sucked for me, too. I spent the year in the most serious relationship of my adult life, and I was miserable. I put my arm around Kinley. “Well, I’m here now.”

  Kinley sighed and rested her head on my shoulder. “Did you think you were going to marry her?” Kinley asked, turning to gaze at me. Her beautiful brown eyes were filled with something that I couldn’t place. Maybe a mix of hope and fear? What did that mean?

  I gazed back at her and considered her question. Did I think I was going to marry Savannah? No. I mean, maybe. She was the logical choice, and our lives fit together so easily. I sighed and said, “No, K. I wasn’t going to marry her.”

  Relief flooded her face, and Kinley put her head back on my shoulder. Could she feel my heart racing like crazy? Savannah was the logical choice, but my heart always beat for Kinley. “Good,” she whispered. “I never liked Savannah. You need someone that makes you laugh and get excited about shit.”

  I glanced sideways at Kinley. It sounded like maybe she was talking about herself, but that would be crazy. “Is that right? And what do you need?”

  Kinley sighed and sat up, looking out at the crashing waves. “I need someone that loves me for more than my body, and someone that—” She laughed and shook her head.

  “What? Someone that what?”

  “Nothing. It’s cheesy and stupid. Let’s go swimming.” Kinley stood and slid out of her dress, letting it fall to the sand. She was wearing a pale pink bikini underneath, and the sight of it erased every other thought in my head. I’d seen Kinley in a bathing suit before. I’d even seen her in underwear when she’d change for parties in my bedroom.

  I was no stranger to Kinley’s body, but it took my breath away every time I saw this much of her skin. I fought to clear my head. She’d literally just talked about wanting someone that loved her for more than her body. Fuck. I did love her for more than that. That didn’t mean I couldn’t also love her body, right?

  She turned around to smile at me, and I hoped she didn’t notice the way my eyes were traveling over the soft curve of her hips. “Come on! Are you going to make me go in by myself?” Kinley smiled at me and put her hands on her hips. She looked beautiful in the beginnings of pale moonlight.

  I sighed and stood to tug my shirt off. Although I’d seen Kinley half-naked countless times, I’d never undressed in front of her, aside from the few times we’d gone swimming together as kids. I hated her seeing me, knowing the type of body she usually saw naked. There was nothing wrong with my body. It was perfectly average.

  When I pulled my shirt off, Kinley’s mouth dropped open. “J, you have a secret hot body.”

  I burst out laughing and gave her a light shove. “You don’t have to be a dick, K.”

  Kinley’s pretty brown eyes still traveled up and down my body. “I’m not!” Suddenly Kinley’s hands were on my bare chest and running down my abdomen. “J, you have a six-pack, baby!”

  Kinley’s hands on my body were making it hard to think. “I don’t.” I did, barely, and I was flexing like crazy to make it more visible.

  “You do! How long have you been hiding this hot body from me, J?” Kinley grinned at me and took both of my hands in hers. She backed toward the water, pulling me with her.

  I laughed and shook my head. “Stop fucking with me, K. I don’t look anything like the guys you hook up with.”

  “Maybe that’s a good thing. Maybe those other guys overdo it. Did you ever think of that?” Kinley bit her lip as the water lapped around our ankles. “Maybe your secret hot body is exactly the kind of hot that most girls want.”

  I laughed again and laced my fingers through Kinley’s. I backed her up further into the water. “It’s cold!” she gasped and laughed. We were up to our waists in the ocean now. I could see the goosebumps all over Kinley’s arms and her hardened nipples pressed against the fabric of her bathing suit.

  I wrapped my arms around her without thinking. I wanted to keep her warm, but we were half-naked, and Kinley’s skin against mine felt like fire. Fuck, I shouldn’t touch her like this. I was supposed to be not falling in love with her again.

  I started to pull away, but Kinley wrapped her arms around my neck and pulled me out further until the water reached our chests. She pressed herself into me and gazed into my eyes. “J, I’m sorry Savannah hurt you, but I’m so fucking glad you’re not with her anymore.” Kinley’s eyes settled on my lips.

  My heart rate picked up even more. Was K about to kiss me?

  Kinley pulled away from me without warning and laughed. “No one is ever going to be good enough for you. I’m going to hate every single girlfriend you have.”

  “Why, K?” If my heart started beating any faster, Kinley would probably have to drag my ass to the nearest hospital. I had to know. Why would she hate every girlfriend?

  Kinley looked away. “It’s selfish. I want to keep you as my best friend. I want all of your attention. I don’t want to share you with one of your super intimidating genius girls.” She smiled and splashed a little water in my face.

  Kinley only wanted to keep me as her best friend. Got it. This friendship was torture.

  “Right.” I splashed her back. “Well, I’m not going to stay single my whole life because you want me to be your friend.”

  Kinley rolled her eyes. “I want you to be happy. You know that, right? I don’t honestly expect you to stay single and be my best friend forever. I’m fully aware of the fact that we’re not kids anymore. But if you have to marry someone someday, at least pick someone that likes me.”


  I laughed out loud and said, “No girl I’ve ever even kind of dated has liked you. You’re too much of a threat.”

  Kinley laughed and wrapped her arms around my neck again. “I’m a threat? Why?” Her nose was only a few inches from mine. I could see every freckle and the tiny drops of water that clung to her thick, dark eyelashes.

  Because they know I’m in love with you. “Because you’re beautiful and awesome, K.”

  Kinley smiled and gazed at my lips again. She wrapped her legs around me in the water. I gripped her hips. For the second time, it felt like we were about to kiss, and I couldn’t breathe.

  “Why haven’t we—" Kinley shook her head and pulled away again.

  What kind of mind games was she playing? “Why haven’t we what?”

  “Why haven’t we gotten one of those famous Hawaiian slushies yet?” She flashed me a grin and started wading back to the shore. “They sell some about a half-mile from the beach house. You down?”

  “K, was that really what you were about to say?” I followed her out of the water, trying but failing to keep my eyes off her ass. Her wet bikini bottoms clung to her curves and sat low on her hips. I could feel my cock stiffening, even in the freezing cold ocean. I tore my eyes away from her backside.

  Kinley bent and scooped up her dress when she reached the shore. I walked up and gently grabbed her wrist. “Did you hear me? Were you really going to ask about slushies? Nothing else?”

  Kinley gazed into my eyes and slowly nodded. “Yeah, J. They put rum in with the flavoring. They’re amazing.” She swallowed and then forced a smile. “Come on!”